Red Alert 3 (PS3)

Overall score 80%
Fun Factor 7.1
Visuals 7.7
Story 7.4
Sound 8.5
Longevity 8.2
Originality 6.1

User score66%

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Publisher: EA Games
Developer: Electronic Arts
Platform: PS3, PC, Xbox 360
Release date: 2009-03-27
Genre: Real Time Strategy
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Bears, boobs and other B-grade goodness

Games, like most movies, can often be pigeonholed into various genres. Explosion-riddled shooters are typically seen as action, quest-based titles are usually thrillers or even dramas, and any game adapted from a movie, regardless of genre, often ends up being slapstick comedy.

Red Alert 3 Ultimate Edition is a bit of all of the above, the culmination of years of different takes on the textbook real-time strategy formula. Similar to the celluloid equivalent of an average Friday night’s entertainment on eTV, RA3 not only delivers ham acting, hysterical plotlines and gratuitous amounts of cleavage, it shamelessly revels in its own excess and flagrantly pulls it all off in a manner that makes even stern Mother Russia crack a smile.

First off, we won’t waste any time waffling through the history of the Command & Conquer universe here; surely even the average technophobic Amish farm-dweller knows of this seminal strategy franchise?

The current plot is particularly interesting though, if for nothing other than its sheer lunacy and brazen implausibility. The Motherland, facing an imminent defeat at the hands of the Allies, uses a time travel device to venture into the past and eliminate Albert Einstein, the man responsible for much of the Allies’ superior technology.

On returning to the future, however, the lack of a nuclear arsenal and other fancy weaponry has made way for a new enemy faction, The Empire of the Rising Sun. Armed with transforming vehicles and massive Godzilla-esque robots, these Asian aggressors are now also vying for nothing short of complete world domination, total economic control, and what we can only imagine will be a disturbing proliferation of hentai anime and used-panty vending machines.

As with previous Red Alert games though, the B-grade nature of the story is as well crafted as it is ludicrous. Cast members include George Takei (Star Trek) as the Empire’s leader, Tim Curry (The Rocky Horror Picture Show) as the hilarious Russian Premier , and Jenna Jameson (Backdoor Nurses 5) as the alluring commando Natasha.

Thick, fake accents and extravagant costumes abound, making for some wonderfully camp mission briefings and cutscenes that really define the tongue-in-cheek nature of the gameplay. The footage also looks great in high definition, allowing a good view of the colourful scenery, the veins bulging on your flustered commander’s face, or Jenna’s ample, perky, well-rounded shoulders.

Speaking of gameplay,Red Alert 3 for PS3 introduces some interesting changes that are both refreshingly welcome and at the same time completely frustrating. Lacking foresight or perhaps mental agility, the developers neglected to add keyboard and mouse support for the PS3, and instead rely on a control system called CommandStick. This involves holding the controller’s triggers to bring up a radial command wheel used to issue orders, including everything from unit training, building construction, waypoint setting and group creation.

While this implementation proves to be quick and useful once mastered, gamers will find themselves completely confused if the tutorial missions are not thoroughly completed. Unfortunately, even though these tutorials are very well designed and explained, there’s an assumption that the player already has a good working knowledge of RTS concepts like attack-move and waypoint management, which will no doubt leave newcomers to the genre feeling as bewildered and overwhelmed as a Russian mail-order bride who’s just stepped off the boat.

The single biggest addition though is the presence of a co-commander, an AI-controlled ally who provides assistance on every mission. This teammate will mostly work autonomously, gathering resources and attempting to follow objectives, although basic commands like attacking or taking up a specific position can be issued. This does take some getting used to, but their subservient behaviour and fairly sound intelligence ensure that they rarely get in the way or compromise the operation. The role of co-commander can also be assumed by a friend via PSN, although the missions are structured well enough to allow the AI to do a satisfactory job.

Unit balance and micromanagement are two of the accepted cornerstones in real-time strategy gaming, and neither are neglected in Red Alert 3. Series veterans will welcome the return of favourites like the Kirov Airships, the multipurpose spies or the elite commando killing machines, but the real fun comes in the form of wacky new units like parachuting War Bears, sonic-blasting Dolphins, Lightsaber-style katana-wielding Warriors and Tesla-powered amphibious Stingrays. As unbelievable as they may sound, every unit is well balanced and useful in its own right, providing a stable gameplay experience despite its ridiculous nature.

Resource management is far more controlled too, and although most units are cheaper than vodka in Russia, funds will trickle in quite slowly due to a fairly fixed rate of income. Refineries (which send Collectors out to retrieve credits) are limited to a fixed number, so players who’re fond of amassing excessive wealth in order to fund endless waves of tank rushes will have to rethink their strategy. The co-commander also shares the resources, but as with his unit control and base building he does a good job of funding his own efforts without hindering the player’s economy.

Visually, Red Alert 3 is excellent, most notably the style and implementation of the art direction. The menus and briefing screens fit perfectly with the slightly less-than-serious tone of the whole experience, with bold red and gold Soviet colours on proud display. In-game, the colours are bright and heavily saturated; the sea shimmers in rich shades of blue, icy tundras practically glow, and grass is so lush it almost seems a shame to tarnish it with tank treads and the spilt blood of the infidels. Even the lightning from Tesla towers or the Stingrays looks wicked as it sparks out over the sea into unfortunate foes.

The only criticism we could find with the visuals were the blocky shadows. That said, they are hardly noticeable, and don’t detract from the overall experience. Even blob shadows would’ve been more welcome, but it’s a minor issue that shouldn’t tarnish the otherwise excellent presentation.

As usual the soundtrack is particularly good, which gamers will realize from the minute they enter the main menu system to the tune of a silly yet remarkably perfect Soviet theme song. The well known Hell March track, revised for this new chapter, will instantly bring back memories of the first Red Alert; it’s small differences like this that really make the experience feel like a lot of hard work has been put into it.

The biggest disappointment is the Ultimate Edition extras, which include extra skirmish maps, concept art, unit profiles and various video clips including ‘The Women of Red Alert.’ While these are fairly cool additions, one would think there’d at least be an Ultimate Edition packaging or something similar, perhaps with a mini vinyl toy, or a t-shirt, or a small bottle of Russian Bear. An extra exclusive unit or two would also have gone far in making the game itself feel like something ‘ultimate,’ rather than just a few extras slapped on to fill up space on the Blu-Ray disc.

Overall, Red Alert 3: Ultimate Edition is a great strategy outing for PS3 owners. Its flamboyant nature and exciting units give the genre an enjoyably campy makeover, and the vast number of missions and trophies mean you’ll be defending your faction of choice for many hours. True, if it were ever made into a real movie it’d probably get rubbish reviews and probably be directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, but it would no doubt be a guilty pleasure that any gamer would revel in.

If you don’t believe us when we say how much fun being this daft actually is, try re-reading this review out loud in the stupidest Russian accent you can muster. If you crack a smile, Red Alert 3 should definitely be in your collection.