• Overall score 80%
• Fun factor 8
• Visuals 9
• Story 3
• Sound 7
• Longevity 8
• Originaity 7.5

User score74%

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0100%

• Publisher: SEGA
• Developer: Platinum Games
• Platform: Xbox 360, PS3
• Release date: 2010-01-08
• Genre: Action

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Bayonetta has an almost entirely incomprehensible story. Most of the game takes place in some made-up European city called Vigrid, where some sort of power war is being waged between heaven and hell (I think) in a sort of pageant of baroque kitsch.

This city also seems to exist on several planes of existence nicked from Dante’s Divine Comedy, and then mashed up with the completely incongruous Norse mythology. I mean, we’ve got the morally polarised realms of Paradiso, Purgatorio, and Inferno present and populated with beings from a paradigm that didn’t much adhere to any analogous concepts of good and evil.

From there, it’s really just a bunch of contemptibly vapid dialogues and some really horrible voice acting; overly long cinematic sequences that are clearly supposed to be significant but aren’t because none of it makes any sense; the most obnoxious soundtrack I’ve ever heard; and a plot twist that’s so obvious (so obvious, in fact, that’s it’s obvious despite not knowing what the plot even is), it’s almost insulting. So yes, it’s standard intellectually irrelevant Japanese rubbish, and the game is nothing much more than a series of consequently meaningless combat encounters.

Not that Bayonetta really needs much in the way of meaningful plot devices, of course, but I’ll admit I had trouble finding any sort of real drive to play the game outside of it being my job. Actually, I hated this game. It’s not that it’s an objectively bad game at all, but that, with its campy presentation and over-exposition, it’s not a game with mass market appeal either. I don’t think that’s the point of it, though. Bayonetta – like Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden before it – is a game that exists to serve a very dedicated, terminally masochistic fandom of people with more resolve, determination, and inscrutable purpose than the Third Reich space program.

Anyway, it’d be easy to say the game’s all style and no substance (and indeed, that was my initial impression) but there’s simply no faulting it on technical finesse. Bayonetta (the character now) plays with a sort of molten sophistication, where precision and reflex are instantly rewarded with ludicrous spectacle. She commands an enormous arsenal of combos, making for an impressive variety of play not usually seen outside versus fighters like Soul Calibur. That’s assuming you can be bothered to learn all of them, that is, and the game plays well enough with indiscriminate button bashing regardless.

Playing properly, however, has a number of distinct advantages. An accurately timed evasion, for example, triggers Witch Time – a few seconds of super slow motion, when you can administer a whole lot of grief. Pulling Witch Time as well as successive combos without sustaining damage, moreover, builds up your Magic Meter, and once it’s full, you can inflict a Torture Attack – a devastating special move using medieval props like iron maidens and guillotines, that can do serious damage to the game’s tougher enemies (and look totally awesome too).

Oh, and Bayonetta has revolvers bolted onto her shoes, and that’s a practical approach I can totally get behind. She also has boobs and a lot of very sexually suggestive manoeuvres, and I’m guessing that’s something a lot of guys want to get... nevermind. Collecting Halos (otherworld currency) and other collectible junk, you’ll be able to purchase upgraded guns, useful accessories, and other paraphernalia throughout the game.

The game is quite brutal when it comes to difficulty. Although it includes Easy and Very Easy modes, there’s really not much point in playing like this, leaving Normal the starting point for anyone with self-respect. And Normal is pretty punishing all on its own, making for some substantial challenge for anyone (like me) who doesn’t play these sorts of games usually. Some bad checkpointing doesn’t mitigate this. Oddly – and remarkably – enough, however, the boss fights are consistently easier than the bits in between, and it’s typically the sub-boss scenarios that made me want to break things.

Anyone who’s previously played and loved Devil May Cry, Ninja Gaiden, or anything else like that should just assume a 9.5 for this game, and seriously consider checking it out. I’m assured this is the triumph of its genre, and you’ll be playing it in paroxysms of existential delight, etc. But to everyone else – well, Bayonetta is absolutely not a game for everyone.

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